Last year, I lost my daughter. At a time when I was not sure my heart could ever see light or love again, I took the hand of my granddaughter and realized that while I was hurting more than I ever thought possible, I would have to do everything I can to raise Ivy in just the way my daughter would have. And that was when I joined the ranks of motherhood, again.
I have to admit, I was terrified. I had not parented a child for well over 20 years. What were the rules? Could I remember how to do it? How could I keep from playing the spoiling grandmother when I should be speaking the strict tongue of a mother? I had so many fears. I had so many questions. Yet, here in my arms, sucking on her finger was the second most beautiful baby I had ever seen, and just like the first, she needed me.
At home, I had nothing that was baby-like. I had moved into a smaller space that didn’t have room for a nursery and an office. Clearly I would have to think about where I could put my office equipment so the child would have a room. Then, there was the concept of how to keep my daughter’s memory alive. Alicia was a good lady, a good mom. Her death was the result of an accident. There was nothing here but love from all sides and I wanted to be certain that as Ivy grew up, she had a sense of who her mother was and the important role she played in both of our lives.
I decided to paint the room light green (Alicia’s favorite color) because it would look good with the nursery furniture that Alicia had. Then, I set about finding some fabric, rugs, and other accessories to develop the space
with texture and color. First, I went out to the local retailers looking for the components. I had definitely forgotten how much work it was to shop with an infant. After a half-day of shopping, I was as exhausted as Ivy was. I then took my shopping trip to online stores. Through internet searches I looked for a shop that gave me the flexibility to buy not only bedding, rugs, and curtains but also fabric so as to make some pieces that would fit the unique windows of the room. I was getting pretty discouraged and was about to give up when I stumbled on a site called Vision Bedding. The site had a full line of home décor items with literally millions of combinations to choose from. However, then I saw something that brought tears to my eyes. This company is able to take a photograph and make it into any product type they carry. I selected a picture of Alicia and sent it to them to make a fleece throw blanket. As Ivy grows up, she can cuddle with her mother and me any time she needs to. The solution worked out perfectly for me and may prove useful to someone else who finds themselves in a similar situation.
Lisa Salazar is a university professor and mother/grandmother of one. Currently my free time is spent reading up on upcoming life steps like toilet training, cookie baking, and designing a fairyland of play ideas for when Ivy is a few years older. I write for numerous parenting themed websites including Natural Parenting www.naturalparenting.com.au firstname.lastname@example.org